Mindful vs. Mind full

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

7:41 AM

Lately I am finding I have too many 'irons in the fire' 'juggling too many balls' however you would like to phrase it.

Several weeks, months?, ago I was working on my mindfulness. I have a Zen meditation program that I was using every day and was practicing mindfulness in whatever I was doing. I don't recall the exact pebble that started the avalanche, but now that it is rolling downhill I am having a very difficult time stopping it.

I've stopped using the program in the mornings, not sure why. I find myself unable to slow my mind and become mindful at any time because I am currently too "mind full." I was mindful when I started this blog, but things started to go sideways in my life. I had already subscribed to a couple of Asperger and Autism sites/blogs, and to at least two Sjogrens groups and blogs. I was having a hard time keeping up with all of those, but then I added several mindfulness and meditation/spiritualty blogs/forums, and after a Lupus flair I joined a couple Lupus sites, and am now totally overwhelmed.

Now add to this trying to keep up with my part time job while dealing with both Aspergers and chronic illness, keeping up with the house cleaning when I am frequently too tired or sore to accomplish much of anything, and dealing with a daughter who requests a lot of my attention.

Now I am reading articles on how DNA fits into all of this. Sensitive people (read ASD) are more likely to develop autoimmune disorders. Having a traumatic childhood can also lead to autoimmune disorders. How the behaviors and beliefs of parents and grandparents can be passed down to children and how all of these studies can be used as excuses for current problems. I cannot keep up with everything as much as I want to. I have lost my center and don't know how to find it again.

I am trying to figure out how to slow down when a big part of me is just trying to keep up.

Done whining now.