Corner of Asperger and Sjogren

Do you know what happens when you reach the corner of Asperger and Sjogren? Confusion, overwhelm, and shut down.

It seems like everything is happening at once. My ACA insurance is more than doubling if I want to maintain the same policy. Going through the Marketplace to shop for a different policy was overwhelming last year, and no better this year. Worries about Washington defunding the ACA is a looming concern. This is only one part.

My doctors suspect more health problems, so I have been going through many tests, the most concerning to me is the possibility of heart disease - something common with Sjogrens, but something I REALLY don't want. So far tests have come back clear, but that only means different tests have to me done. I'd much rather find the problem is gluten intolerance and simply adjust my diet. Some years back I'd gone gluten free, so I know it can be done, I just haven't done it lately.

Then there are the constant dental problems. I have a dentist who says I should do as much as I can to maintain what teeth I have left, already lost enough to make eating difficult, hence reintroducing gluten into my diet with noodles and such. My thoughts are running more along the lines of; attempting to maintain my teeth is just throwing good money after bad and I would be better off finding a way to finance getting them all pulled and replacing them with full plates. Most of the new cavities are along the gum/root line anyway, so they can't be filled, just pulled one after another as the pain gets too bad. Thankfully, with Aspergers, the 'pain' really isn't all that painful.

Add to the mix the mundane problems around the house. Needing to find money to cover having a window replaced. The bathroom door had been sticking so it was taken down to be fixed. When it was rehung we discovered not only had the problem NOT been fixed, it no longer even shuts!

There are so many things that need to be done, and need to be done quickly, that the only thing I want to do is hide under a rock. I can't think straight anymore. An old but toxic friend has decided he wants to reenter my life to "help" me out. He doesn't realize how much energy it costs me to be around him for more than a very short period of time. He, on the other hand, thinks we should work on becoming a couple. Yeah, and I'll end up in a coping center within a month.

Help.

What now?

This will be short.

I did not spend the evening following election results so it wasn't until this morning that I saw the results. The Republicans are now in charge. The same people who want to repeal the ACA "for the good of the country." Well, because of the ACA in 2014 I had insurance for the first time in almost 20 years. Because of this insurance I was able to have my Sjogren's diagnosed, and obtain the medication I need to keep my symptoms in check.

Now I feel like I am back in limbo. While on the 15th I can go back to the Market Place to shop for coverage - while I would most likely keep the program I am on - I now have the worry that the rug will be pulled out from under me sometime during 2015.

I'm not trying to be pessimistic, negative, or depressed but I'd made a decision a long time ago that I would rather commit suicide rather than be buried alive in medical debt. To those who question 'wouldn't I rather be alive and in debt?' my reply is, I've seen people trapped by medical debt and what they have is existence, not life. I refuse to go through that.