Yesterday I read an amazing article about Aspergers and stress/overwhelm http://www.myaspergers.net/what-is-aspergers/how-to-deal-with-stress-and-aspergers/
While I didn't think of myself as overwhelmed or over stressed, as I read I saw I had all the symptoms and it was impacting me more than I wanted to admit. Not remembering what I'd done in the morning seemed not a bit deal, except that it was becoming a big deal when I believed I'd done something important only to discover later that I had only thought about doing it, but not actually done anything.
The article has links to a couple of quizzes and work sheets that are causing me more stress right now. My time is so tight with things I feel I should be working on, do I really have time to throw in more stuff to do?
Right now I am working through a self-improvement course which is working but also creating a lot of stress itself. Liberate Your Life, by Chris Cade, is about silencing your Inner Critic. It was sold as a six week course and I purchased the downloadable version for which I am now very thankful.
Going through the first week's lesson in a week was a breeze. The second week was almost as easy. The third week I hit a brick wall. A written exercise, to help you forgive yourself, that I just didn't want to do - as much as I knew I NEEDED to do it. I'd fuss around the exercise, but not actually do it, and thus not complete the lesson. The fourth week's lesson arrived, and I started reading it, how to turn your fear into courage.
I remembered an old saying about courage:
Courage/bravery is NOT being fearless.
It IS being afraid and doing it anyway.
I discovered that I hadn't wanted to do the exercise because I was afraid I would not be able to forgive myself. With a little encouragement from a friend I managed to get through the exercise that nearly stopped me, did ultimately forgive myself, and feel much lighter now. I also decided to step back and start at the beginning again, so I can get into the next lessons with a running start. What struck me most was opening the first lesson to read,
"The exercises that are most uncomfortable for
you are the same ones that will bring you the
greatest peace, happiness, and freedom from
your Inner Critic. "
Now I just need to figure out how to fit ten pounds of flour in a five pound sack. Be more conscious at my job. Finish painting the bathroom and spare room. Clean house, repair kitchen drawers, find someone to repair/replace a window.
Hey, I seem to remember reading an article about Aspergers and overwhelm.
My friend asked if I could post her email to me into comments. She does not care for Google's anti-privacy policy.
ReplyDeleteChris, You can't put 10 lbs of flour in a 5lb sack. It cannot be done, thus it struck me as the crux of the issue. If we depart from a basically insane thought, desire, then we are in our head, indulging our inner critic, not dealing with what is.
It would seem as this is the mechanism by which our inner critic gets such a pernicious and (to us) credible foothold: if you are trying to achieve that which can't be done, you have no option but to fail, and this is the mechanism used by the critic to justify yet another abusive tongue lashing. It is up to us to use our wisdom, to realise we are beating ourselves up for failing to keep a standard that even our inner infant would realise can't be done. Surely setting realistic, caring goals is a step in the return to sanity and reality, not the false reality glued in place by our inner critic?
I wanted 2 post this as answer in ur bkog, but don't know how to without giving my real identity to google.
My current reading says the step to take is to "listen to that voice and realise that if you can hear it, then it can't be you speaking. It is a shadow part, an imposter, who talks so often and so loudly, that you soon believe it is your true self speaking."
Be very gentle Chris. Inner critic considers it has a right to monitor you and find you lacking. Yet you'll always fail if you operate under unachievable conditions. Personally i think you are amazing.